Adoption


March 8, 2017
by Hannah Lang


Adoption
by Hannah Lang

You know that moment right before you cry, right before the tears spill over your eyes? That split second is scary and uncomfortable and vulnerable. At that point, there is no holding back or stopping the inevitable weep session. That moment before the floodgates open- that’s the best way I can describe where I’m at currently.

Nick and I are in the process of adopting two beautiful twins. They are thousands of miles away from us and my love for them is stretched across the oceans. I feel a pull inside my chest that I believe God put there. The undertaking of adoption is like hope and excitement jumbled together with uncertainty and doubt. It’s coming alive with joy, but also fearing heartbreak. After all, what if it doesn’t work out, and these babies don’t come home to me? The journey is complex, incredible, hard, risky, life-changing, and beautiful.

Lately, I have been seeing the overlap between the adoption and the 500+ mile pilgrimage that Nick and I took on El Camino del Santiago in May 2015. When we began, I felt ready, exhilarated, excited, and nervous. The anticipation of completing such a hike felt overwhelming, but since we got to do it together, it felt more possible somehow. There were moments on the Camino that I felt pure bliss- breathing in crisp air on the top of mountains, walking through quaint Spanish towns, meeting lifelong friends from all over the world, and drinking regional wine. However, there were many times when the journey felt too difficult to go on. My feet ached like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Often times, I laid flat on my back (on the side of some mountain), looked up into the sky and thought, why did I ever decide to do this? Tears were so common that Nick got used to telling me to, “cry and walk” as we went along. Through all this pain though, I knew in my heart that I had to complete the entire trek. I was not going to quit.

It was in those moments that God spoke to me. I started to believe that I could actually do hard things. I realized that He had been preparing me for this journey long before I knew. I have found that the funny thing about journeys is that what you think is the “end” rarely is the end! Journeys like this are surprising, challenging, and freeing. I know now that God has been preparing my heart for this adoption journey for a long time- putting every little detail in place so that when the time was right, I would be ready.

Many questions still circle my mind, because this journey isn’t over, but one in particular stays with me. Should I open my heart fully even at the risk of great pain and heartbreak? Every time I come to this question, I remind myself: that’s exactly what love looks like. God’s love for us is relentless, at the risk of heartbreak everyday! That’s the kind of love I need and the kind I want for my children.

So, we keep trekking.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.”

1 John 4:18a

*Not only is Hannah Lang the wife of Mission Church’s outward focus pastor, but she is the proud owner of Selah Tucson, a local aesthetics salon in the heart of downtown. She wants her readers to know that she’s “just a regular woman who is really trying to love God and love people with everything she has!”*




Comments

  1. Cry and walk, baby girl! Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

    Gary Riney | March 8th, 2017 - 20:53:09 | > Reply
  2. My sister, this is beautiful.
    Thank you for your vulnerability and for your faith. I can’t imagine the pull on your heart, but I love the beauty of it, I love the our Father is behind it all! Love you and Nick so much, thank you both for representing what walking by faith looks like.

    Margo | March 8th, 2017 - 21:10:34 | > Reply
  3. This is so beautiful.

    Roshelle | March 8th, 2017 - 22:22:27 | > Reply
  4. Oh my goodness Hannah. This is just so beautiful. Words like these are SO important to share. Everyone of us has a journey we are on each and every day. Some of us are sitting in it at the moment and others are definitely moving forward! Listening to other’s stories of struggling and achievement make it easier for us to take the necessary steps in our lives. THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing. To be real with others is to be REAL in HIM. i love you angel baby!

    Your Zanna | March 9th, 2017 - 09:52:36 | > Reply
  5. This is so beautifully said. Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes looking we see wow i wish i could do that and we do not to fathom the moments of doubt and fear. I love you Nd God is with you and beatiful things are coming your way.

    K8 | March 10th, 2017 - 18:29:00 | > Reply
  6. As Hannah’s mama, I am also filled with such love for our babies. We are so in love with them already. Our hearts are over flowing. We are praying for God’s perfect will. Father You reign. Be with all who are involved. I pray. Bring our babies home!

    Loreigh Riney | March 10th, 2017 - 18:57:10 | > Reply
  7. As Hannah’s mama, I am also filled with such love for our babies. We are so in love with them already. Our hearts are over flowing. We are praying for God’s perfect will. Father You reign. Be with all who are involved. I pray. Bring our babies home!

    Loreigh Riney | March 10th, 2017 - 18:57:10 | > Reply
  8. I absolutely love this. Your bravery and vulnerability are inspiring. Stay beautiful, girl.

    Kaitlyn | March 10th, 2017 - 19:09:04 | > Reply
  9. Since I met you, I knew the depths of your heart and love. I was truly blessed when He led me your way. My prayers every night include you, Nick, and the twins. Hoping things go smoothly but I know they will proceed God’s way.

    Jay Leonard | March 10th, 2017 - 23:18:24 | > Reply
  10. What a precious heart & letter Hannah! What a wonderful journey You & Nick are on and You can be assured that God is holding your hand all the way and helping you make all right decisions as you prepare for these most precious jewels he is entrusting to you.

    Dan & LaVerne Eck | March 13th, 2017 - 16:44:13 | > Reply
  11. My Dear Hannah, What precious thoughts from your heart. God is so very good. Can’t wait to meet your lovely babies. Hope you’ll come visit us this summer so we can get to know them. Love and miss you big much!
    Your second Mama

    Mary | March 13th, 2017 - 21:38:54 | > Reply
  12. Beautiful Hanna!

    R Goral | March 14th, 2017 - 12:20:46 | > Reply

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